It's always been a fault of mine I get swept up turn desperate to not get left behind All this time I've done my best I hope you know that I meant every single word I said When every moment becomes electric then every shock serves as a reminder nothing we love is perfect We are not star-crossed we're super nova nobody's destined just on a deadline Let's spend our money not bury treasure who gives a fuck when we end up ship wrecked let's make mistakes together

This is it for a second that's all I can think could be seconds felt like hours felt like days felt like weeks now everybody's screaming or is that just me am I even screaming can I really speak I feel the pavement on the back of my head I feel the weight of the world soaked in the blood from the wound I thought my life was supposed to flash before my eyes all I can see is the blinding sunlight In a moment I'm convinced this is all I can take flash of guilt at relief as my whole world slips away while I sure as hell always been scared of death never been frightened of hell just of my own absence

We've never been aware of time we spend asleep I've become convinced this isn't quite a dream there's no sense of weight but I'm not really floating there's no sense of speed I'm not really falling And I can't make out the words but I still hear your voice shining like a light piercing through the noise

Suddenly I can feel my heartbeat I feel the subtle scratch of threadbare sheets and all at once I hear the sound of machinery I hear excited whispers of averted tragedy and I look up I blink away the sleep 'till I can see your face only slightly blurry For a while it feels like we could be fine feels like we got a miracle like we just might survive but man it used to be easy I knew it all by heart now I'm just an actor trying to learn this part now you're in denial you know I'm pretending I know you deserve some kind of happy ending so let's make this song an instrumental we'll drown out the words we'll keep things simple

desperate to be desperate to feel the same or anything at all another casualty of reckless apathy of broken bleeding heart If I could speak enough maybe I could strike a chord if I could spend the time we both just can't afford maybe I would get better maybe I could be your savior If I could reconcile the man I was before with the thoughts I have now that I'm failing to ignore maybe I would get warmer and we'd make it to the summer Nobody makes it out alive I don't think we're ready for the winter have you ever been this cold before 'cause I can feel you trying not to shiver I'm trying hard to react I got no catalyst I hold no charge of my own I just resist now everyone's standing by for something glorious tell 'em I'm no Jesus Christ I wasn't made for this 'cause if there's a God it's not one we can trust wasted this fucking miracle on us the flesh preserved while the soul was left to rust I'm just an empty shell shaped like the man you lost/love

There are days where everything's distorted like every sound turned up too loud There are days where all I do is sleep and wake up tired anyway There are days the movement of the windshield wipers makes me think of times when we went driving just to spend some time together I could've spent my whole life going nowhere in the rain A moment keeps replaying we pulled into the driveway of your parent's place and I spoke in cliche like every time we talked I watched that goddamn clock and tried to make it stop As we said goodnight you looked so fucking perfect in those headlights I could've died That image starts to fade I'm staring at your face and all I feel: the absence of that ache the rain becomes a storm I think we should pull over and I can find my own way home

It's a matter of chemistry I'm not the man that I used to be and I'm made of cells grown imperfectly and I can't go back so we have to leave It's a matter of chemistry and that don't excuse my toxicity and our future's dead irrevocably we can still avoid poisoned memories I can't come back so I have to leave It's a brutal form of alchemy makes beautiful love antipathy all these words and make believe wont make us something that's worth saving

Your heart is not a fragile thing love is not perpetual and we are not machines and I know you're at least as strong as me I hope that you refuse to be buried by your grief when it's just the shadow of a sound the echo of our happiness can't ever be as loud so endure right now the wounds still hurt but our scars are souvenirs that prove how much our life was worth Don't be fooled by fairy tales obsessed with make pretend too afraid of where we're going to admire where we've been label everything a failure if it lacks a happy end when we've all got the capacity/tenacity/audacity to simply start again

When we were younger we went walking in the woods to find the river we were searching for salvation but all we found was water so you thanked God we were thirsty as the sky above grew darker and you never seemed too worried although home never seemed farther back then when we were singing I could swear that God was listening but that night that we spent freezing broke my faith like it was nothing So in the morning when they found us and you had thanked God for his kindness I had known my only savior was the warmth from your old sweater well I remember when your mom died we went shopping for her coffin and it all seemed so expensive so I just thought that I'd offer: "when I die," I said quite morbid "you can throw me in the water maybe then I'll find salvation" well I thought you'd laugh much harder I didn't mean to mock your faith but never understood the connection of redemption to a resting place of wood and every time that I've heard singing it's been from a mortal being and I draw no less sense of comfort from our capacity for beauty and I know that you resented all my years of condescension well I resent your need to witness and your offer of forgiveness so I never said I'm sorry and we went about our business and now we only talk on birthdays or when I come home for Christmas but we used to sing together maybe never quite on key but what's only grown discordant could've been a symphony Would've never had the chance if we kept our voices low